


Deny Then Defy

by shynonymous



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, eruri - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-08
Updated: 2016-07-08
Packaged: 2018-07-22 10:36:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7433237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shynonymous/pseuds/shynonymous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi believed he was happy with the "relationship" he and Erwin shared until it wasn't enough.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Deny Then Defy

**Author's Note:**

> This is a short story but it just popped in my head and I just went with it. I hope you enjoy it anyway!

"This is a dangerous game, Levi." Erwin's low-toned voice was husky and deep from sleep.  
  
"I don't care anymore," Levi insisted.  
  
They had played this game and danced around each other for far too long. He knew Erwin was a patient man and he himself struggled to be the like. But now he didn't want to.  
  
He held a copy of the key to Erwin's private home for years never having used it once. He knew it was only for emergencies or with permission and he didn't dare cross that boundary for anything else. At least until now. Now he didn't care what the outcome would be or how hard things became for them as long as he was with Erwin.  
  
He wanted to respect Erwin's thoughts and decisions about whatever it is that they are. He understood the potential backlash they would encounter. But they hadn't planned for any of this, it just happened. Levi was completely, wholeheartedly in love with Erwin. It happened so casually that he felt he loved him before he even realized it. The realization came as a surprise but he didn't fight it, no he was already too far gone. The real surprise came when he learned of Erwin's reciprocated feelings. There was no grand confession no huge gesture. No. Just a look. A soft, meaningful gaze and an understanding. Levi had never seen an expression like that before; not directed at him. But when Levi saw those powerful eyes he would believe anything.  
  
Initially, Levi was contented with knowing Erwin's feelings. It was enough. He knew that anything more would cause trouble and he knew Erwin's thoughts on love while being soldiers. In fact, he agreed. There was too much at risk. They weren't young and naive to think that love could conquer all and be the fix to everything. They knew better. So, they left it. Left the unspeakable but undeniable linger between them.  
  
They would spend a lot of free time together but no one thought more of it than friends and colleagues. It was hard to deny and at times unbearable. The inner struggle Levi endured while Erwin was unconscious after losing his arm was a grim reminder as to why they never crossed that line. But instead it had the opposite effect.  
  
Erwin never asked for or wanted pity and he was very much the same man he always had been so if he had a change of heart about them Levi didn't know. But he knew himself and could no longer be patient or content with shared knowing looks. For the first time he disobeyed Erwin and taking his copy of the key decided to risk it all.  
  
Though the house was dark and it was late Erwin sleeping lightly and waking easily, a result of being a soldier, was no surprise and Erwin's warning on seeing him come to his bed did not deter Levi. He didn't want to stop. He crawled on to the bed paying no attention to Erwin's attempt at resistance.  
  
"Levi," Erwin sternly warned again.  
  
He stopped. Sitting in front of Erwin with the moonlight exposing his tender expression. Levi saw he knew and was hurt though their placements wouldn't allow for Erwin to see it. However, Levi could see and he saw how Erwin's expression defied his words but his head far outweighed his heart. Levi, despite his title, wasn't that strong though. He couldn't force himself to deny any longer.  
  
"I understand." Levi inched closer. "But we go to battle soon. We don't know what's going to happen in Shinganshina. So, just once. I don't want to have regrets."  
  
Erwin sighed. "Levi, don't say just once like that," his voice still low. In an act of intimacy they had never shared Erwin brought a gentle hand to Levi's cheek with that same soft gaze he had seen before. "I won't make false promises but I'll always try to come back to you."  
  
Levi rejoiced at the gesture unconsciously leaning in for more contact. "And I'll do everything to keep you safe."  
  
They seemed stuck in the moment but Erwin eventually pulled away. Levi knew why. They had gotten too close.  
  
"Do you not want me?"  
  
"Just once, right?" Erwin asked sounding vexed.  
  
"Just once," Levi repeated.  
  
"I don't like what your 'just once' implies. Can you be happy with just once? Because I can't. Just once isn't enough for me."

Levi was silent. Perhaps he had made a bigger mistake than he realized. He had been impulsive in his resolve that he forgot the bigger issue. This hadn't been easy for either of them and he just caused Erwin more worries.  
  
Levi finally spoke, "I understand. But I'm not going to apologize for my feelings or actions. We can both part here with no regrets."  
  
Levi shifted to get off the bed. In a quick movement Erwin had him beneath him his one strong arm keeping him up so as not to crush Levi with his own weight. "How do you manage to do this to me? You're the only one I can't..."  
  
"Erwin."  
  
He buried his face in Levi's neck. "How can you say just once so easily? Just once won't even be enough for tonight." He felt Levi breathe in and lifted his head to look at him. "What will people say if the captain is nowhere to be found in the barracks in the morning?"  
  
"I'll go back early," Levi said trying to sound confident and not at all nervous.  
  
Erwin returned to his neck with a breathy laugh, "Do you think I'm letting you go tonight?"  
  
He pecked the small neck as if testing it all. Levi's breathing changed to a harder beat and Erwin knew there was no turning back.


End file.
